i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
