So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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