the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
