do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
