How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I have fence marks all over my body
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
