I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize