So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
