Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
