My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Randomize