My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
