So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
