Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
