...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Pants are for mortals
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
