He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
