No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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