Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
