i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
