White coat. Heels.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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