Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
