Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
