Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Every concussion has its silver lining
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
