You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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