he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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