you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My ATM looks so different sober.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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