he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
