He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
