i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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