My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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