Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize