i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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