I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
