So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
