I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
