It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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