I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
