just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
