Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
