kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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