Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The best revenge is premature balding
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
