We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
