Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
