i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
