Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
