woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
