Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
