just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
