guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
