Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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