What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
