Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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