i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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