Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
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