Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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