I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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