i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
