apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
