hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize