tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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