so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
