I cannot find my penis.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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