Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
