Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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