No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
