it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You are the jesus of drinking
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
