we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
