We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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