I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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