I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
