my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
only if we run a train.
done.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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