last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize