All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
