peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
