ya dads aren't the best wingmen
the condom got lost in my hair
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
