It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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