We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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