don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
