All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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