if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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