Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm like, not good at living.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
