i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
