We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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