Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
