I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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