I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
