thus making me awesome and them whores
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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