remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We are two peas in an std pod
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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