Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
