Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
