i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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