I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize