I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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