i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
