grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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