Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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