Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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