1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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