She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
This baby is an asshole
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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